A Century!

Happy Birthday Mom.

Virginia Grace Patten was born on November 24, 1924 - one hundred years ago today. Growing up, she acquired the nickname "Jill" and that name stuck her whole life. She asked the only grandchild she knew, Derek Schoch, to call her "GrandDear," which she heard from one of her friends whose grandchildren used that name. She said "Grandma" would make her feel old. She was the greatest mom and I miss her every day.

My mom was a joy to be with, always chatty, happy, loving, funny, and ready for fun. She wasn't a joke teller, but loved silliness and others' jokes. My mom was always easy to be with, talkative and joyful even with folks she didn't know. She always smiled at strangers, and when we went to restaurants it was not unusual to see her smiling at someone at another table - and always friendly and loving with the wait staff and other workers. I loved that she told this story on herself: In grammar school her teacher wrote on her report card that she "laughs too much at others' mistakes." I can see that - she was always looking for fun and humor.

My mom's mom, "Nana", was a happy woman that we saw often. She and her husband, Mike Deneski, lived in an old house on Madison Golf Course, where he was the greenskeeper. Their house was in the middle of Garfield Avenue, between Green Village Road and Green Avenue, but is no longer standing. We saw Nana and "Uncle Mike" quite often - every holiday, most birthdays, and lots of times after church on Sunday. Their house stood on a small hill, but that didn't deter us from outside barbeques with the table severely tilted while we ate Uncle Mike's dry (but delicious) BBQ chicken parts. Uncle Mike was always joking (and smoking), and I recall my mom telling stories about how, after my mom's parents divorced and Nana remarried, he would occasionally take she and her sisters out for ice cream right before bed (as long as Nana wasn't around).

My mom's dad, "Grandpa", loved to sail his sailboat and paint landscapes and still with oil. He created our family's connection with Long Beach Island. He owned a vacation house on 5th Street in Ship Bottom which he bought for peanuts way back when they were selling cheap lots to try to build the island as a vacation getaway. I think the address was 105 5th Street, but Google Maps Street View shows a much different house than I recall. I assume the house was either dramatically remodeled or it was razed and a new house built on the lot. At any rate, I remember staying there (with no air conditioning) several times as a kid, walking on the hot pavement to get to the beach, about 400 feet away. Grandpa kept his sailboat in the bay and I remember going out a few times with him - at least once just the two of us. I can still picture him with his eyes squinted and his hand on the tiller, sailing with a peaceful look on his face.

I believe Mom was born in Bloomfield, NJ. I know she graduated from Bloomfield High School in 1942, at the start of World War II - less than a year after Pearl Harbor, and lived her whole life in New Jersey. Her picture was selected for the cover of her yearbook, standing next to a huge letter "V" (for victory). Growing up, she looked a lot like the movie star Deanna Durbin, and told us that she was mistaken for her on the street a few times.

My mom had a beautiful singing voice. I found out after she passed on that she had performed in light operas and other musical performances as a teenager and young woman. Also, she sang a song titled "There's a Long, Long Trail Awinding" on a radio show "Major Bowes Amateur Hour". I wish I had more information about her performances. She was always singing around the house. In later years she said she "had a few good notes" but was not confident enough to sing in public any more and I don't believe had much formal voice instruction. I loved to hear her sing, and learned a lot of the old songs from the American Songbook from her. Every once in a while, she would sing along with my piano playing. In the late '70s she took voice lessons from a man in New York City. She never talked much about it, but I know she loved it. There are a couple of old cassette recordings of her lessons on the "Audio Recordings" page. There are also some recordings there of her singing that she recorded herself. I think she wanted to save some recordings of her voice for me and the rest of the family.

The picture on the left was a birthday celebration with Nana (her mom) and her husband (Uncle Mike). I'm seated next to her, between her and my dad. My brother, Tim, is on the other side of Nana. It's certainly not unusual that we were all laughing! The pic on the right is my mom (on the left) with her two sisters. Her older sister, Jean, in the middle, and younger sister, Frani, on the right. Aunt Frani and her family lived nearby while we were growing up, so we saw them often and are very close. Aunt Jean lived in Vermont, so we didn't see them very often.

My mom was a very happy, fun, and joyful person to be with. At parties or other gatherings, she was always making sure people were having fun and everyone was engaged. She loved to play games and learn new games. Growing up our family played a lot of board games (Life, Careers, Monopoly, etc.) as well as some card games (Canasta, Uno, Rummy, and a few others). And whenever we had people over, we played games - and she always cooked and baked a ton of food!

I remember a few New Year's Eve parties at our house with folks from church and a few relatives that were tons of fun and multi-generational. She loved to bake cakes, pies, and cookies, and always had chocolate chip cookies available along with a ton of Christmas cookies around the holidays. Her Christmas cookie recipes included some cookies that looked great and were a bit unusual, but none of us kids really liked. So she'd bake a very small number of those cookies, and put them out so they looked nice, but only guests would eat them.

Mom would frequently invite people to Thanksgiving dinner who didn't have anywhere else to go. She would generously invite them and make sure they felt welcome. Her parents' spouses when they each remarried were never her favorite people, but she always included them in family gatherings. I always joked with her that she was a great interviewer. It was common to find her having a conversation (usually a long one) with nearly anyone. She could get them talking about themselves at length.

I had a very close relationship with my mom and miss her dearly. In latter years she would occasionally sink into a deep depression, and would say that "she couldn't do anything" and didn't have any skills. Aside from a part-time job working nights at a bank when I was a little kid, she didn't work out of the home while we were growing up. I think this led to her insecurity and feeling that she didn't have any talents. She served church unselfishly, volunteering innumerable times in the Reading Room, served on the Board of Trustees, as Sunday School teacher, in child care, as an usher, and was the best Second Reader I've ever heard.

I was always amazed at how great a mom she was, and how she consistently brought fun and joy to any gathering. In many ways she was my best friend, and certainly my top cheerleader. After years of being opposed to my purchasing a motorcycle, she finally gave in and I bought my first one while in College. I'll never forget how much fun she had when I took her for a ride on that first motorcycle - she loved it.

On November 15, 1984 my mom passed on, about a week before her 60th birthday. She's been gone 40 years now and I can't believe it's been that long. It was way too soon for someone so filled with love, life, and joy.

I miss her every day.

Happy Birthday, Mom. I love you.

Your son,
-Dan-